People humans confuse me

Somedays when I'm just hanging out in front of my house. Somedays I don't even have a leash on and I just roam around the lawn sniffing at the grass , maybe even taking a nibble here and there. 

What I don't get is when people freak out? Maybe 1 out of ever 12, someone is scared of me, and the other 11 adore me and always want to say hi. Human people ask dumb questions to my dad like: 

Is he friendly? Duh that's why I'm hanging out here with a pink soccer ball with no leash. 

Does he bite? Umm yeah sure I'm a real killer dog. I'm a golden retriever what do do you think?

Is he OK? That's a vague and stupid question, I'm fine and dandy how bout you?

Is he neutered? That's a very sensitive subject, unfortunately doesn't look like you or your parents were so apparently perfect puppies like me aren't allowed to breed but idiots are. Sad sad world. 

I should ask them stupid questions also like Are you guys friendly?

Why you smell funny?

Do your kids bite? They look like they do I be seeing some crazy stuff on the news. 

Silly humans. Just walk along. 

SMH